*BIG SIGH*

Well, this was it folks, the BIG weekend.  The practice run for the 26.2 mile race.  We even planned it so that we would be out at the start of our 26.2 mile run at the same time that we would start the real marathon on July 8th.  I left the house with my in-laws with my head held high, ready to take on the challenge.  I had dreamed about the run... making it over Blue Mountain, running through the streets of Missoula, running over the Higgins St. Bridge without stopping, picturing the crowd as I crossed the finish line.
And the proverbial and literal storm hit.
I got frustrated with my glasses getting clouded over and the rain making my vision blurry so I took them off.  I figured, if it's going to be blurry, it might as well be blurry without rain drops right?
I was drenched by mile 6 but Maggie and I joked our way through... "We are marathoners." "We are f*ing crazy!"
I would say mile 10 is about where I really started to lose it.  I couldn't see, I was soaked to the bone, the rain wasn't letting up, I was cold... there was so much I was fighting.   And to be quite honest with you, because I couldn't see very well, I could not get out of my head! There was no scenery I could look at and we had exhausted our highly interesting conversation topics already... Maggie was trying to get me to sing "Baby Got Back" and various other classics... But I couldn't get out.  I fought with my head for a good 10 miles (because I started to lose it before mile 10) before I finally broke down in tears and said "I'm done."
Sue called Kevin and he came and got me.  I cried for the next 45 minutes.  I cried while he got me into a hot bath and I cried when I realized how fast my bath water lost it's heat because of my freezing body.  I cried when I realized I didn't make it and I cried when I realized how completely awesome and loving my husband is. And I tearing up now, thinking about the whole experience....   And then I put my fleece pants on, two long-sleeved shirts, and my snuggie, wrapped up in a warm blanket and slept for the next two hours while my body and mind recovered.

Am I disappointed? HELL YES! I'm still questioning whether or not I could've pushed through... whether or not I crapped out because I'm weak.  I HATE those questions... but I will never know, and I cannot dwell on them.

And I'm going to have to hold my head up and get back out there because I will be finishing the race on July 8th.